


Check You for Ticks

by MisSuzyQ



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Anal Sex, Hunting, M/M, woods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-06 23:37:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3152543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisSuzyQ/pseuds/MisSuzyQ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soldier brings his boyfriend and their hound dog to the woods for a little rabbit hunting.</p><p>A Helmet Party story inspired by "Ticks" and a trip to Bass Pro Outdoor World.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Check You for Ticks

**Author's Note:**

> _"I’d like to see you out in the moonlight, I’d like to kiss you way back in the sticks, I’d like to walk you through a field of wild flowers, and I’d like to check you for ticks." -"Ticks" by Brad Paisley.[Lyrics](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bradpaisley/ticks.html), [Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxgAVB2IMpM)  
> _
> 
> What's Bass Pro Shops? Let me tell you in a [a tumblr post](http://missuzyq.tumblr.com/post/83152111716/whats-bass-pro#notes).  
> This was originally posted months ago on my tumblr. I know this story is out of season *ba-dom-ching* (not really, it's still rabbit season for a little while longer where I live) but I'm posting it here now because, eh, I just noticed I hadn't and probably will forget again when fall rolls back around.

Brisk breezes rattled weak amber leaves onto the honey-colored grass that blanketed the hilly Ozarkian forest. The thick aroma of the forest filled Soldier’s nostrils and drowned his senses in nostalgia. It was more than just remembering his childhood, hunting beside his beagle, Rowdy. It was the thawing of a frozen moment in time buried away in his mind. Though of course there were differences.

At the end of his leash, Rowdy had been replaced by Betsy, a basset hound who’s front-left mechanical leg was painted to match the blaze orange vest that Pyro made her. Instead of him carrying the Winchester rifle his grandfather gave to him for Christmas, Engineer carried a Remington, wearing a dark green shirt with his brown overalls and white ten gallon hat. Soldier wore a camouflage jacket with his usual pants, boots, and Grenadier’s Softcap instead of tan coveralls. He wanted to be under the trees at five a.m. instead of noon but it didn’t matter. He had waited to return to these ageless woods for years and wanted to share them Engineer since they met. Though Betsy’s nose never could fully recover due to the abusive treatment of her previous owner, Soldier knew decades of rabbit hunting ran through her veins and would make up for whatever sense of smell she lacked. The near full recovery of her nose was the perfect excuse to return to his homeland. 

The sweet preservation of woodland silence was interrupted. “I know I asked ya this before,” Engineer said, twigs snapping under his boots, “but ya sure you can go back home and face yer troops?”

“They think I’m in Vegas.” Soldier tugged the basset hound into a thick area of brush. Instantly, Betsy pressed her nose flat against the earth and inhaled. “Just like we trained with Lieutenant Bites!” He unclasped the leash from her leather collar, allowing her to fully intoxicate herself with the history unfolding at the end of her muzzle. 

“What-”

“Hush, Dell! Our girl’s at work!”

Engineer’s eye-roll was hidden behind welding goggles. He whispered, “what I meant was are ya sure that you’re comfortable killin’ lil’ cridders when ya got a personal relationship with plenty of ‘em at home?”

“Of course I am,” Soldier whispered, buzzing with too much energy to think. How couldn’t he feel comfortable doing something he did for so long? “Our girl’s been training for this day and we’ll leave here with a dead rabbit even if it kills me!” A long eared creature darted out from the brush. The basset flung her head up to rattle the oak branches with a strong howl before following the rabbit.

“If ‘n you say so.” Even though that was the same answer he had heard from Soldier each time he asked that question, he knew better. His lover had a soft spot for small creatures. It was obvious from forced stops to let snakes slither across the road to his howls with lonely desert coyotes. As Engineer chased after Betsy, he couldn’t shake his doubts.

Though Betsy had stubby legs, they moved at a fierce speed along the ground. Both men kept a steady pace to keep up with the dog swept away by instinct. Again she howled, this time into the hole her prey sprung into, pawing and barking until it popped out. Somehow the rabbit managed to avoid her massive paws and sprinted away, putting feet between it and Betsy now chasing after it.

The sprinting rabbit brought a smile on Soldier’s face. There racing for its dear life was a proud member of a rabbit platoon. Second Lieutenant, no doubt. He turned to tell Engineer and was horrified. Engineer had his shotgun raised, waiting for the Second Lieutenant to run into his sights.

“No,” Soldier cried, flinging the barrel of the shotgun upwards. Tiny pellets propelled into the leaves. The men loudly yelled at each other until Engineer covered Soldier’s mouth with his hand. Engineer was fuming at the fact that he had brought up this very issue many times. The fact that each time he questioned the hunt, Soldier couldn’t bother to see his concerns as being legitimate. That inability to pay his worries any mind made him boil but he loved Soldier and was stuck with him miles away from home in a forest he didn’t know. The only thing to do was to lay things out.

“Now,” Engineer said in a firm voice, “calmly, you’re gonna tell me in five words or less why you here an’ now decided I couldn’t fill that bunny full of lead.” Slowly, he peeled the hand away from the rough lips.

“He is the Second Lieutenant.”

“Second Lieutenant?” 

“Yes, of his rabbit platoon.”

Placing his thumb and pointer finger on his forehead, Engineer rubbed the headache. “So all these here cridders got their own militias and what have ya?”

“Logically-”

“But ya don’t mind if I go and get me one? ‘Cuz ya kept tellin’ me that huntin’ didn’t bother ya none.”

“Well, yeah, I said that, but-”

“But I can’t shoot rabbits ‘cuz they got platoons? Must be civilians rabbits I can kill! ‘Cuz ya don’t care, ‘member?”

“Uh, well,-”

“So I’m reloadin’ this gun,” Engineer dug into this bib pocket to produce a red shell.

Soldier grabbed the ammunition before it could be shoved into the chamber. “No!” All Engineer could do was watch as the perfectly good shell was flung into one of a hundred identical trees. “All these ‘cridders’ have happy families and I will not allow you to shatter their lives by taking a member away from them! I have dedicated my life to them as of a minute ago and I will fight to keep each and every one of them frolicking! And if you even lay a finger on the tip of their fur I will shove a boot up your cowboy ass and what are you smiling for, Mister Conagher?”

“Well, just, ya best not turn ‘round now,” Engineer said, looking behind Soldier. Of course between that and the nudge on his calf, Soldier had to turn around. Betsy draped the lifeless body over Soldier’s boot, wagging her tail with pride. All the blood rushed from Soldier’s face. “How’s ‘bout if I just take this here,” Engineer said as he stepped around to pick up the carcass by the skull. “Oh, look! She snapped it’s neck just like Dad! Shoot, we got ourselves supper and, oh,” he held up the body behind Soldier’s head, “maybe a lil’ bunny hat? Whatcha think, Betsy darlin’? That look good?” Betsy barked in approval. It was all Engineer could do to keep from laughing at the glaring Soldier with rabbit ears seemingly coming from his head.

“Dell! Respect the dead!” Soldier snatched the Second Lieutenant’s body.

At the hill’s base, Soldier dug into the hard dirt. Engineer held Betsy back with the leash, forcing her to be respectful as Soldier blessed the grave and prayed that the rabbit platoon would find mercy in their hearts instead of revenge. After a moment of silence, Engineer held Soldier close, kissed Soldier’s cheek, and promised that if Soldier showed him that diner he used to eat at every Sunday, he’d take them fishing. It was there eating lunch that Engineer realized fishing would cause an epiphany that fish were all part of a naval unit; so, instead of purchasing fishing gear, Engineer borrowed a canoe from the owners of the diner.

Betsy watched the metal sides wedge through the icy emerald water as the men paddled along. There were plenty of crisp Autumn smells for her nose to enjoy. Though she was infatuated with their surroundings, she was more than glad when her owners decided it was time to return to land and was even more thrilled with the three of them walked along the hills, taking in Missouri’s beauty until the sun grew tired like her stocky body. Her yawn was cue to head back. In the security of Engineer’s arms, she shut her brown eyes and was deep in dreams by the time her body was placed on the bed of the truck.

“Sure is getting’ cloudy fast,” Engineer said as he opened a bottle of beer. The two sat on the opened tailgate of the truck with a campfire warming their feet.

“Smells like rain’s coming our way,” Soldier replied, watching Engineer. Faint lights dancing on Engineer made him desirable. Those delicious lips sealed tightly around the top of the brown bottle for a slow sip. He wanted those lips against his skin just as he wanted to suck at his thick throat. In his imagination, his hands were all over that bare, manly body with only instincts to guide him. He ached for that dream to become reality fast. Leaping to his feet, he stared at Engineer before running into shadows.

“What the hell are you doin’?”

“Come over here,” Soldier called out, “I have to tell you something but you got to be over here and not over there.”

“It can’t wait ‘til I finish my beer?”

“No. And I’m not coming back until I tell you that thing I need to tell you over here.”

“Alright, I’mma comin’.” Engineer placed his beer on the tailgate, yanked off his goggles, and walked into the dark. A strong hand tugged him farther from the light of the fire and pulled him down to the earth where he slid to the bottom of a hill. A body pinned him down before he had the chance to stand up.

Though it was pitch black, Engineer could see Soldier’s face above his. He could feel a hand pressing down on his chest and an erection against his dick. “Got somethin’ on your mind, slick,” Engineer asked, bringing Soldier’s head closer to feel the hot breath against his cold lips.

“We’ve been in these woods all day, Dell,” Soldier said, his hand moving steadily down Engineer’s side, “and these woods are infested with ticks. They like to hide in the tiniest cracks and places that are hard to reach.” His hand squeezed under Engineer’s ass and groped the cheek. “You need someone to check you all over.”

“All over?” Engineer redirected the hand under Soldier’s throbbing member and over his hardening cock.

“All over,” Soldier replied, rubbing the zipperline, lusting over the moan of pleasure.

“It’d be awful hard to do with all those pesky clothes.” Engineer reached up to unzip Soldier’s jacket. Soldier’s lips plunged forward, his tongue barging into Engineer’s mouth as his hands busied themselves with overall straps. Engineer’s tongue rubbed recklessly against Soldier’s, tasting the moans echoing from each other that grew louder as Soldier began to grind against him. The motion against him made stripping away the layers difficult but it felt too phenomenal to want it to stop.

“Shit,” Soldier hissed when he parted from the delicious lips to peel off shirts. Folding down the bib, he sucked at the moans that rattled up Engineer’s throat and rubbed the newly exposed stomach.

“Ya better be thorough,” Engineer panted, clutching the back of Soldier’s head as the lips passionately kissed over his chest and along his heaving stomach. A pair of bare hands slid down the small of his back, pushing down the material, rubbing his ass the moment his aching cock was exposed to the chilly air.

“This needs to be checked very thoroughly.” Soldier slid his tongue slowly over the slit, ignoring the pressure he felt against his pants.

“Oh god yes!” The tongue slid up along his length then lapping up the precum that began to trickle from the head. “Check that real good!” A few more times the muscle licked along his warm member before finally being taken into the mouth as two fingers began to press into his puckered hole.

The pressure steadily digging in and out of Engineer was masked by the sensation he felt in his cock as it was tightly sucked. “Ah, Jane,” he moaned as Soldier eagerly worked, striving to stretch him while ensuring pleasure every second.

When the fingers pulled out for the last time, Engineer’s cock was released from the glory of Soldier’s mouth. “Hold on there.” He pulled himself up by Soldier’s belt. “Gotta make sure you got no ticks either,” he exhaled against Soldier’s skin as he hastily unzipped the fly.

“If you insist,” Soldier replied, not resisting in the slightest as Engineer kissed the head of his throbbing cock that was against his stomach.

Placing his hands on the sides, Engineer licked away the precum that had bothered Soldier then stopped when he felt something in his pocket. He pulled it out and laughed. “Ya fancy walkin’ ‘round the woods with lube in your pocket?”

“Never know when it comes in handy,” Soldier explained before groaning at the feel of liquid being poured onto the sensitive skin.

“Oh, trust me, Jane, it’s ‘bout to come real handy,” Engineer muttered into Soldier’s neck as he rubbed the substance all over the hard member. Pulling his hand away, Soldier pushed him back onto the grass with a kiss. Though he longed for that cock that pressed against his stomach to be inside him, he made Soldier wait until his overalls were completely removed for easier access. “Did I pass inspection,” he asked, assisting Soldier in pushing off his overalls.

“You did, Private. I suppose I should reward you. Do you want it now or maybe later?”

“God, Jane, give it to me now!”

“You want it that bad huh,” Soldier breathed, maneuvering their bodies to press the head of his cock against Engineer’s entrance, feeling it quiver against him.

“I want it mighty fuckin’ bad!”

“I guess I won’t make you wait any longer then,” Soldier said, plunging his cock all the way into the hole, pulling out slowly, keeping a steady rhythm with Engineer’s pants. Fingernails dug into his shoulder blade.

“Sweet Jesus, Jane,” Engineer stammered into Soldier’s muscular neck. His toes curled tightly as Soldier picked up the pace, thrusting into him deeper, slamming his body into the cold ground as it began to overflow with blazing waves of pleasure.

Soldier could feel knuckles scrap against his abs. Leaning his head forward, he passionately kissed Engineer as Engineer’s hand moved in time with him around the exposed cock. The pressure building in him became near unbearable as hot cum splattered all over his stomach. When it stopped, Engineer pressed his lips against his ear.

“God, Jane,” Engineer whispered, “I want your thick cock to fuck me hard. Fuck me hard and deep.” Those words echoed in his ear canal and sent him rocketing harder into Engineer until at long last a blissful sensation erupted inside him, causing him to scream in sweet satisfaction as he filled Engineer with warm liquid. “Good job, hoss,” Engineer said before lovingly kissing him. “Now we gotta find a way to wash ourselves off.”

Rain pounded against their sweaty skin. “Thanks, God,” Soldier said, rolling off to scrub away the cum with the falling water.

“Didn’t know god like homosexuals.”

“We’re special exceptions since-” An outbreak of howling over the top of the hill stopped Soldier mid-sentence and caused Engineer to rush to his feet.

“Shoot! Our lil’ lady’s alone,” Engineer exclaimed as he ran up the steep land. At the tail gate, a soaked hound howled a low, depressed howl, drowning his soul in guilt. “Pa’s awful sorry!” Betsy ran into his extended arms and kissed the wet bicep. He rushed over to the open door where Soldier pulled them both into the shelter of the cab.

It was a tight squeeze. Soldier’s back was against the passenger’s door with his feet dangling near the pedals. There was no maneuvering with Engineer sitting up with his arm hanging out the back window and there sure was no moving when Betsy stood on his torso to coldly stare him down.A low growl rumbled in her mouth as if to say, _you left me alone. You left me alone and it rained!_ “Sure, it’s never Pa’s fault!” The hound jolted forward to nip him on the nose before assaulting him with barks and more nips.

“’Cuz it’s always’s Dad’s fault,” commented Engineer, pulling a sleeping bag through the back window, feeling particularly wise to have kept their camping gear under a tarp.

“No it’s not but I’m sorry!” Bending her head down, Soldier kissed at the dripping fur above the floppy caramel ear. “We won’t leave you alone again tonight!” An unzipped sleeping bag was tossed over their bodies as Engineer picked up the hound and reclined on him.

“That’s right,” Engineer said, forcing Betsy to lay on him, “quit harassing Dad and shut your sweet lil’ eyes.” Rubbing the top of Betsy’s head, Engineer persuaded her to rest, their cheeks pressing together as the falling water disappeared outside. “Would you look at that, it stopped raining.”

“It’s Missouri. If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes.”

The parents talked over the hushed snoring of their child. Then clouds decided to heavily pour rain against the truck. The rapidly rattles of water drops were satisfying on their ears. Their conversation closed. There was so much about his state Soldier missed though he was realizing that he had been missing it lately. Since Engineer, it became need to share. Hell, that squished cab felt more familiar than anywhere he had lived in the course of his life. There was only one explanation for that.

“Dell,” he said over the rain beating the metal roof, “you’re home to me.” Both his arms wrapped tightly around his lover.

“I’m awful glad for that, Jane, ‘cuz I’d have no one else be my home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Why Missouri? Two reasons.  
> One)I don't know why but I've always felt that Soldier was from Missouri somewhere. I think it's the fact that he repairs and makes his own things from older/cheaper things and that strikes me as a hick/Ozarkian trait. Missouri is part of the MidWest and Soldier is from the MidWest so I think I'm allowed to imagine that.  
> Two) I've lived in Missouri all my life and have hunted a few times in its woods throughout my childhood. It's more comfortable and easier for me to describe the woods in Missouri than trying to describe Kansas or Illinois or anywhere else I've only been once or twice. 
> 
> On another note, I'm sorry for all the alliteration. I just realized how dense it is with it. I think after writing it, I had to rinse my mouth out with soap to make it stop. Or did I have to wash my hands? Either way, I felt bad about it.


End file.
